This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
