I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
