Betty ford says i'm here all night
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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