apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
