The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
