You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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