if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
