I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize