i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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