you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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