and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
