I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
