I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
