Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Randomize
