flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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