It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
