im about as happy as oj after his trial
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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