All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
