did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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