You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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