watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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