he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
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She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize