He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
