I'm going to jail i love you
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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