i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
