I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
