what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
