Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
