is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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