Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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