Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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