i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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