I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
