Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
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