Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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