are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
