Welp...herpes.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
