You work out of a Hotel?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
