i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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