i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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