Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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