There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
