So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
why is half of my head shaved?
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