I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
