The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
