Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
