She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
