Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
