is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
