Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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