the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
