We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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