i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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