even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
