i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
