1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I deserve this hangover.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
