sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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