I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
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