Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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