So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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