i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
