Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Still dying that you shit outside
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
