Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
