It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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