I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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