Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
