god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
