In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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