Please, let me fuck your mom
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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