my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
