oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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