Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
