DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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