why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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