My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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