This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
