Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
