can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
