Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
