Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
