And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
