Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
