Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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