I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
