You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
